Geeky Things I Like To Do - Number 9

Move the ornaments on the Christmas tree around because I don't like the spacing / color combination.  I have done pretty well this year.  Usually I do it ALL season, pretty much every other day or so until the tree comes down in Jan.  This year, I really didn't touch the ornaments after the tree was decorated.  Until today.  I found some of the plastic candy canes that I bought last year & forgot I had.  Once I started putting them on the tree, I had to move stuff all around to make them "fit" properly.  Then I was out today & found these cute ribbon candy ornaments that I had to have.  Luckily it was only a pack of 4, so the reconfiguration of the tree was a bit simpler.  Again, I swear I do not have OCD! 

Paul & the Great American Musical

I once devoted a post to my husband, claiming that he knows everything.  I forgot to mention his lack of knowledge in the area of showtunes and related topics.  For as often as he randomly breaks out in song (ala the musical theater genre), you'd think he'd be more familiar.  He spontaneously makes up songs about the mundane, the ridiculous, the absurd.  He will take a hip-hop song & turn it into a 40's jazz standard on the spot.  I mean, he will occasionally even break out a little Danke Shoen, but that's only because it was in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, I'm sure.  He will even bust a move pretty often.  Granted, it's usually the Robot, but that counts in my book.  My book that nobody reads.  But I digress.

The point is that Paul has very limited knowledge of musical theater/ movies, despite his propensity for acting like he lives in one.  I blame his mom.  She recently confessed to me that she does not like The Sound of Music.  I love my mother-in-law, but I yelled at her before I even had time to think.  I blurted out something like, "WHAT?!  WHO DOESN'T LIKE THE SOUND OF MUSIC?"  It actually made me physically angry.  So, I don't think Paul was exposed to the basics of musicals as a child because his mom does not enjoy them.  This is a tragedy.  A true injustice.  An injustice that I feel I need to correct.

Paul has taken me to a couple of musicals in the theater district in Pittsburgh because he knows how much I enjoy them.  I LOVE going to any of the theaters in the city.  It's so exciting!  He enjoys making me happy, so he sometimes indulges my love of theater.  I think he also enjoys the shows.  He seems to.  But he usually complains about any combination of the following:  uncomfortable seats, people kicking the back of his chair, fear of being chosen for audience interaction, etc.  Despite these issues, I feel the need to find ways to heighten his appreciation for the performing arts.  It's kind of a mission.  Hey, I might even make it a resolution for 2011!!!  Oh, that will be FUN!!  For me anyway.  Perhaps movies are the answer.  Yes, live performances are more exciting, but it's not practical to take him to very many plays.  Movies are his thing.  We're always watching movies.  Think he'd notice if I threw in some classic musicals here & there?  Probably.  But too bad. 

Who is this Jesus?

I do not like to discuss religion or politics.  Inevitably, someone gets hurt or offended.  Sometimes me.  I think religion is a very personal thing.  But with Christmas coming, I just want to say "what Jesus means to me."

I went to Catholic school for 13 years, but I am not a biblical scholar or theologian by any means.  I have come to think of God/ Jesus as more of a concept than distinct beings, but that's just me.  Here are some quotes, some from the bible, some from pop culture, that represent what I think are the most important & basic teachings of Jesus.  Things have gotten so distorted in our society.  People have been (and continue to be every day) persecuted, ridiculed, killed, and tortured over their differences - in faith, politics, race, etc - forever.  Too many horrible things are done in the name of religion.  I don't believe these things are what Jesus had in mind for us.  He tried to do the exact opposite.  He tried to make us embrace each other.  Accept each other.  Love each other without judgment.  Regardless of who we are or what we have done or how we live our lives.  I think that the birth of Christ represents peace, love, tolerance, acceptance, generosity, and kindness.

All that being said, here are my snippets of scripture & literature that epitomize the essence of spirituality & Christianity to me:

"Truly he taught us to love one another.  His law is love & his gospel is peace.  Chains shall he break, for the slave is our brother.  And in his name, all oppression shall cease."  - O Holy Night by Adolphe Adam

"His kindness, His tolerance... Listen, here's what I think. I think that we can't go around measuring our goodness by what we don't do. By what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think we've got to measure goodness by what we embrace, what we create... and who we include."  - Chocolat (book & movie) by Joanne Harris

Beatitudes (Gospel of Matthew):
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for they shall possess the earth.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice,
for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure of heart,
for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are they who suffer persecution for justice sake,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Book of Corinthians: 
"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Matthew 25:
"For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me."

In Memoriam

This is a re-post of a note I wrote on Facebook a year ago in honor of the passing of my granddaddy:

I don't usually post too much personal stuff, but I felt like I needed to honor my grandfather. He was strong, gentle, funny, sensitive, quiet, smart, and generous. He was always there for his family. I grew up riding down country roads in his green truck on summer days, watching him water & tend his garden that just overflowed with vegetables, waiting for him to pick me up from school on days when I needed a ride. These are just a few of the thousands of wonderful memories that he has left with me. I am grateful to be his granddaughter, and I'll miss him.
Joseph P. Mongelluzzo

Connellsville
Joseph P. Mongelluzzo, 93, of Connellsville, died Saturday, Dec. 5, 2009, in Excela Health Frick Hospital, Mt. Pleasant. He was born March 26, 1916, in Connellsville, a son of the late Amato and Filomena Meluzzo Mongelluzzo. He was retired from U.S. Steel's Robena Mines. He was a World War II veteran, serving as a sergeant in the Army. He was a member of the Connellsville American Legion and VFW and also a member of the UMWA Local. Joseph was a member of St. Rita's Roman Catholic Church and its Holy Name Society. In addition to his parents, he was predeceased by his wife, Mary Dellavechia Mongelluzzo, on Oct. 10, 1990; three brothers, Patsy, Michael and John Mongelluzzo; and two sisters, Celeste Theresa Mongell and Felicia Spagnoletti. He is survived by three daughters, Janet Stroncheck and her husband, John, of Dunbar, Nancy Mongelluzzo, of Connellsville, and Linda Gaudiello and her husband, Tony, of Connellsville; two grandchildren, Michele Lombardi and her husband, Paul, of Imperial, and Timothy Gaudiello, of Connellsville; a brother, Anthony Mongelluzzo and his wife, Roberta, of Connellsville; and a brother-in-law, Anthony Dellavechia and his wife, Helen. Friends will be received from 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 p.m. Monday and Tuesday in the BROOKS FUNERAL HOME INC., 111 E. Green St., Connellsville, where prayers of transfer will be recited at 10 a.m. Wednesday, followed by a funeral Mass at 10:30 a.m. in St. Rita's Roman Catholic Church, Connellsville, with the Rev. Joseph Bonafed as celebrant. Interment will follow in St. Rita's Cemetery. Military rites will be conducted at the funeral home by the Connellsville American Legion and VFW and Trotter American Legion Honor Guard. To sign the guest registry, please visit www.brooksfuneralhomes.com.

Geeky Things I Like To Do - Number 8

Organize coupons.  Yesterday was the annual Christmas shop-a-rama in Robinson.  I didn't pay full price for anything except my gum.  It literally pays to be a geek.

Geeky Things I Like To Do - Number 7

I just remembered this one while talking to Jill.  I like to answer surveys.  Whether they be marketing surveys, fun Facebook surveys about myself or other trivial matters, or surveys at work (those are usually the most fulfilling), I find them enjoyable.  I don't like the phone versions.  Just the online or paper kind. 

One Bathroom's Journey

Week 1:

Week 2:

There is NO HOLE IN THE TUB!!!!



Geeky Things I Like To Do - Number 6

I enjoy singing songs to my cat far more than he enjoys listening to me sing songs to him.  I like to see how long he'll stay on my lap while I sing.  There are many variables that determine this length of time.  Mainly the volume, pitch, tone, and general quality of my voice.  Sometimes I pet him or hug him while I sing.  That typically decreases the lap time.  I usually go with a nice dramatic rock ballad for the ups & downs.  "Total Eclipse of the Heart" is a good one.  When I get to the "every now & then I fall apart" part, he's long gone.  Like the wind.  Sometimes all I see is a blur of fur & the very tip of a tail.  I find this highly amusing.  This has been going on for years, so I'm not sure why it still irritates him or still entertains me.  We have an understanding.  I understand why he runs away, and he understands that I'm kinda wacky.  

And with that, I think I have fulfilled my prophecy that I would some day become the crazy cat lady.  In fact, I think I've been her for a number of years without really realizing it.  Huh.  Life is wondrous.

Geeky Things I Like To Do - Number 5

Ok, maybe "geeky" is the wrong adjective for this one, but it's definitely weird.  We'll call it "quirky".  I have some obsessive grooming/ beauty habits.  These include:  filing my nails, polishing my nails, maintaining my cuticles, tweezing my eyebrows (I do NOT get them waxed because the few times I did, it was not done to my liking & standards), and keeping my lips moisturized. 

Now I do not consider myself a high-maintenance woman.  I don't stand in front of the mirror for hours fussing over my hair & make-up.  I do what I need to do & go.  I only take my time & extra care for special occassions.  My husband will attest to this.  He has even commented that this pleases him.  I think this makes the whole obsession about the grooming even more odd.  Case in point, I have been known to buy items of clothing simply because they don't require ironing.  I mean, most mornings, I do my make-up in the car.  While I'm driving.  Don't preach at me.  I'm just making a point.

I would say the most obsessive is the nail filing.  If I so much as perceive a crooked, misshapen, or, God forbid, jagged fingernail, there had better be a file within reach.  If not, all I do until I get my hands on one is finger the jagged nail & obsess about fixing it.  I have various theories on the origin of this strange behavior, but I'm tired right now, so that tangent will have to be another blog.

Geeky Things I Like To Do - Number 4

I really enjoy adding animation to my Power Point presentations.  More than I should.  Then when I present, I like to make a big fuss, jokingly oooing & aahhing over it.  I think I might be the only one who is amused by this.  Others may only be politely patronizing me when they laugh & fuss with me over my clip art & animation skills.  Now, I'm not always a complete fool.  I try to reign it in when I'm presenting to customers, upper level management, or other boring people with no sense of humor.

Geeky Things I Like To Do - Number 3

I like to make up songs about my food.  Examples are:  "Doritos Are My Boyfriend" and "Ode to Pumpkin Pie".  I usually sing the songs TO the food, not just about the food.  I seriously have problems.

Scrapapolooza

My Our wedding scrapbooks (yes, plural) are done!!  Yep, they were completed by our 1st anniversary.  I'm pretty proud.  I was a scrapbooking fool, I tell you!  Looking at the pics so much makes me want to get married again.  Yes, to the same man.  You people think you're so funny.  I just want to have another wedding.  I have dreams that we're having a 2nd wedding, but it's never as wonderful as the real one.  :-)

Here are a few select pages from the scrapbooks.  Sorry the pics aren't great.

For my shower pics, my matrons-of-honor made me a bridal shower album as a gift, so all I had to do was add the photos, which was really nice!

I even did the rehearsal & (God help me) bachelorette pics.  I was looking at the pictures from the bachelorette after a year had passed, and it dawned on me to ask, "What a##h&*$ thought it would be a good idea to take these?!"  I knew it had to be Peg.  When I asked her if she was indeed the a##h&*$, she proudly answered affirmatively & giggled happily.  Here is an example of her fine, fine photography.  Now, I want you to look at this at your own risk, and then contemplate the fact that this is NOT the worst of the pictures.  There are some that I would not post online or put in my scrapbook.  That should tell you something.  I'm not going to say anymore about it; I'm going to let the image burn into your retinas & speak for itself.

Geeky Things I Like To Do - Number 2

I enjoy making pivot tables in Excel.  Not much else to say.  I am what I am.

Geeky Things I Like To Do - Number 1

When I can't sleep, sometimes I lay in bed with my bedroom laptop (yes, there are that many in the house that we have to name them by room), which I affectionately call "mini me."  I read Wikipedia's "Random Articles".  I just click on anything that looks interesting to me & read about it.  I inevitably fall asleep on mini me.

There's a Hole in My Living Room

Literally.

I've lived in my house for 8 years.  It is now at the stage where things are falling apart.  They are literally caving in.  Last year, somewhere around a week before our wedding, a fairly sizeable hole suddenly formed in our living room ceiling, spilling water from the floor above.  Yep.  There was apparently water leaking from a small crack in the bathtub upstairs, and it was seeping into the floorboards & ceiling underneath for God knows how long.  This is the largest of several things (water heater, stove, dish washer...) that have started to "go" in the last couple of years.  I'm going to choose to blame Paul here.  That seems reasonable to me. 

So, this disaster area is FINALLY scheduled to be fixed (basically a whole new bathroom & ceiling) in a couple of weeks.  Cross your fingers.  We have been "scheduled" before.  Between plumber #1 (who obviously did not fix the problem), the homeowner's claims, negotiating (and renegotiating) the contract, rearranging the living room so as to avoid MORE water damage (and gradually giving up any hope of aesthetics, eventually ending up with a bucket under the leak like the poor people in movies), and giving Lowe's the equivalent of a nice car down payment, it has been quite a little soap opera.

Paint colors are curious things when you live with a boy.  I used to go to the store & pick a color.  For realz.  No drama.  No compromise.  Hence, I have a light pink bedroom, purple guest room, and a sort of dusty blue office.  None of these are very masculine colors.  Choosing the paint color for this new bathroom was far more difficult.  I knew I didn't want something too dark because the room would seem too small.  But for a time, I was looking at some warmer, richer colors that would go well with the wood flooring & vanity that are going in.  Paul nixed those right away.  "Too dark," was all he said.  Then I remembered that we had registered for & received as gifts a really beautiful bathroom set with various shades of blue, green, and purple. 

Now, not even I am obnoxious enough to have 2 purple rooms right next to each other.  I wasn't going to go that far.  But a nice aqua would have been nice.  No.  I forget why that got the kibosh.  Then I moved to the green family of samples.  I found a nice pale green to make the room seem lighter (there is no window) & bigger.  Paul instead went a few shades up the wheel & basically picked what looked to me like the flourescent green that I wore circa 1986 with my jelly shoes.  I carried swatches around with me for a while.  Brought them to work, looked at them under different lighting.  It's like I'm a high-maintenance wife all of a sudden!!  What is happening to me?!  Anyway, we did end up going with a bit of a brighter green than I originally picked that coordinates nicely with the new swanky bathroom set. 

Oh!  And I almost forgot.  Paul works for PPG, so it HAD to be Olympic paint, which was also a slightly limiting factor, but PPG is an important business partner of Bayer's, so I am not going to complain about that part.

So another aspect of this bathroom remodeling project is the fact that we only have 1 bathroom.  This is a problem for obvious reasons.  I wanted to go live at the Fort Pitt motel down the street for a couple of weeks while the contractors were working.  I mean, they do have weekly rates.  Paul thought that was overkill, so we came up with an alternative solution.  We happen to have the Pittsburgh toilet & shower.  You know, a freestanding toilet in our unfinished basement that had not been used in 8 years, and a shower that had so many boxes stacked in front of it, that one might forget it was there.  So we recently moved all of the boxes & cleaned in preparation.  I mean we CLEANED.  Eight years of non-use literally washed down the drain.  It will be weird using the toilet in the middle of the open air of the basement.  There is no way to really close off the bathroom area.  I'm going to approach it as an opportunity to experience an aspect of prison life.  I look forward to my new-found humility.  I shall blog about it.

I will post pics when the bathroom is done.  It's supposed to take 2 weeks.  I'm just hoping to have it done before the next Olympics.

Ten-Ten-Ten

10-10-10.

What a remarkable day.  Not only is the date a unique one, but it is significant to me personally in a few ways that are intertwined in odd & inspirational ways.  Allow me to explain.

20 years ago on this day, my grandmother passed away.  I was 16.  It was the worst thing that I had known to that point in my young life.  She died of a massive heart attack at the age of 69, and I missed her dearly & still do.  In years past, I have walked in or dontated to the American Heart Association's Pittsburgh Heart Walk in her memory.  This year, this event just happens to fall on 10-10.  I think it's a remarkable coincidence that truly honors her memory that the event takes place on the 20th anniversary of her death. 


I made a donation to this year's Heart Walk, but I am not walking.  That is only because 10-10-10 is my very first wedding anniversary.  It was a happy coincidence that 10-10 fell on a Saturday last year.  I always wanted an October wedding, and when I realized that 10-10 was a Saturday in 2009, I thought it was a great way to remember & honor my grandmother.  Though none of our grandparents could be at our wedding, I wanted them all to be there in spirit, especially my mom's mom, who had died on that special day all those years ago.  So, I also carried in my hand the rosaries she had given to my mother to carry on her wedding day.  I carried them with my flowers & thought of her.  We also asked my friend Jennifer to sing Ave Maria before our ceremony.  My grandmother had a devotion to the Blessed Mother, and I remember that the Ave Maria was sung at her funeral. 

Now, you might be thinking that we are morbid.  Why would I want to get married on the anniversary of such a sad day?  Because it was also an important day in my life.  It was a day that really touched me.  The first time that I started to learn what the circle of life was all about.  I think that the saddest days of our lives are also some of the most significant ones & sometimes need to be acknowledged & remembered.  Most importantly, I believe that my grandmother went to a better place on that day all of those years ago & that she was reunited with all of her loved ones that went before her.  My grandfather just passed on Dec. 5, 2009.  I enjoy thinking of them finally being reunited after all of those years apart.  It makes me smile.  I wanted to take that sad day & make it a cause for celebration.

Another oddity is that Paul's maternal grandmother passed on 10-01-09, just 9 days before our wedding, and mine passed on 10-10-90.  I am a number geek, so all of these weird date coincidences freak me out!  In a good way.  :-)

Sometimes when I can't sleep, I like to imagine all of my grandparents (and Paul's grandma, who was the only of his grandparents I knew) hanging out together, singing, laughing, gardening, cooking, and doing all of the things they did in life when they were young, happy, and healthy.  It comforts me to think of them like this.  Free from the discomfort & pain of old age & illness.  And watching me with love from whatever place is waiting for all of us when it's our time to leave this world. 

One year ago today, on 10-10-09, Paul & I took the love that we feel for each other & shared it with our families & friends.  We celebrated it, and we continue to celebrate it by living that love each day.  We completed the circle of life that began 20 years ago.  Happy anniversary to my soul mate, my partner in this madness we call life, my rock, my lover, my friend, my husband, Paul.

Ode to Mr. Schue

I am a Gleek.  I don't care if you judge me.  Go right ahead.  I was a Gleek long before Glee the show existed.  I was in my high school drama club.  I was in the chorus.  I loved it. 

I've had some crushes on some teachers in my life, but none of them looked or sang like this one...

The new season of Glee started this past Tuesday.  Will did NOT sing or dance.  I mean, he was there & was funny in his little scheme with Sue Sylvester.  But he didn't sing.  So here's a little somethin' to make up for it till the next episode.

Important Follow-up To Last Post

I mean, what if I had been at the dentist for actual dental work?!  What if they filled the wrong tooth???  What if they had done a root canal on the wrong tooth??!!   &*$#(!!!!1 

I just had to throw that in there.  I'm over it now.

Close But No Crown

"I" does not equal "O".  Lombardi is not the same as Lombardo.  The legendary coach of the Green Bay Packers is a different person with a different surname than the famous bandleader. 

There is apparently a Michelle Lombardo who lives in Cranberry, PA.  She recently had a crown put in by my dentist's office in Moon Twp.  Yes, I know way too much about Ms. Lombardo.  Presumably more than she knows about me.  Allow me to explain. 

I went to the dentist for my regularly scheduled 6-month cleaning & check-up.  When the hygenist gave me the paperwork, I noticed that my name was spelled incorrectly.  I didn't think much of it.  I filled out & signed as usual.  She went about her torture.  But first she took x-rays because the chart said I was due.  When she looked at the films, she just could NOT match them up with the previous films in the file.  They matched my teeth, so they were mine, but by golly, she was confounded. 

Then the dentist came in.  She explained the conundrum to her.  She looked at the notes in the file & said, "Well, I just did a crown on her, so you should see that on the film."  Ok, at this point, I interjected.  I told them that do not have a crown.  They both looked at me kinda like I was speaking a foreign tongue.  Then the dentist snapped out of it & asked me if I was Michelle Lombardo & if I lived in Cranberry.  I said, "NO.  I am Michele Lombardi from Imperial!" 

A frenzy of new paperwork and excuses ensued on the part of the hygenist.  She showed me the appointment book, and in her defense, whoever had written my name had scrunched up the end, so you really could not tell what the last letter was supposed to be.  Lucky for the hygenist, I WAS in fact due for x-rays, so my insurance would pay for them.  Coincidence?  Or another eerie connection between this Lombardo chick & me?

I am NOT Michelle Lombardo from Cranberry.  I'm going to go back to being Michele Gaudiello from Connellsville.

Too Much of a Funny Thing

I've been watching waaaayyyyy too much of  "The Office" lately.  I keep making references to it at work, and I think people think I'm nuts.  I find myself saying things like, "Hey, that's like when Dwight told Michael....  never mind..." in the middle of meetings & such.  When I was off, occasionally, an episode would make me miss the madness of my job.  Just a tad.  It made me realize how entertaining some of the aspects of working in an office truly are.  Now that I'm back, I see it even more & feel the need to point out the humor.  Sometimes to the chagrin of my co-workers.  Paul & I actually watch a few episodes every night since we DVR it, and it's on TBS like a million times a day. 

One day we had a fire alarm go off in the middle of a very rainy day.  It was NOT a drill.  We found out later that something went amiss with the power.  Anyway, a few of my co-workers & I got in my car to wait for the all-clear so as to avoid the rain.  As we watched the fire crew do their thing, which is kind of amusing in itself, I thought of when Ryan the Temp left his cheese pita in the toaster oven & set off the fire alarm & started laughing.  Well, none of the 3 losers in my car at the time knew what I was talking about.  Ok, I am actually the loser.  But still.  Just humor me!  I'm clearly a wacko!  That's what you do with wackos - humor them.

Wednesday's Cake

Doesn't that sound like the title of an awesome book?  One with an oversized birthday cake with obnoxious pink icing on the cover?  That's what I pictured.  I wish this post were more deserving of the cool title. 

Anyway, the point is that Wednesday's cake was chocolate cake with chocolate fudge icing & peanut butter ice cream & filling.  Very decadent.  A good way to end Cake-fest 2010.  The pieces were small (thank you, Jennifer). 

But wait, come to think of it, we have ANOTHER birthday party on Monday.  I mean, Jamie, our Best Man, only turns 40 once!!!  It would be RUDE not to eat his birthday cake.  Down right rude!  *sigh*  At least I have a reprieve for a few days.  My hips are grateful.

Let Them Eat (a lot of) Cake

The universe (Bayer) is testing me.  I am in the midst of a serious healthy eating phase that has been going really well.  I have lost some weight & am feeling better.  Lately, the cards seem to be gradually stacking themselves against my attempts to stay on the straight & narrow.  Allow me to list the not-so-subtle attempts to sabotage me.  It's seriously like that Seinfeld episode.

1.  Friday:  My co-workers using a summer intern's last day as an excuse to put an enter sundae bar in front of my face.  My test result:  FAIL.  With whipped cream, nuts, and a cherry.

2.  Saturday:  Amber's devious plan to make me eat cake "in honor of her birthday."  Whatever!  Test result:  Fail.  This time with delicious frosting flowers.

3.  Monday:  I was READY.  It was Andreas' last day before going back to Germany.  It was on my calendar.  I knew it was coming.  I was NOT going to be duped again!  I even had a meeting while this going-away party was going on.  The conflicting meeting was going to save me.  Until my VP came by the meeting room to tell us the leftover cake had been moved to the kitchen.  Guess where my office is?  Yep, across from said kitchen.  Result:  D-.  I had 1/2 piece of delicious almond cake with strawberry filling.

4.  Tuesday:  Jenny's going away party.  Now Jenny is only moving to a new position down the road.  She's not quitting or going back to school or to Germany.  But I like Jenny a lot.  And I had bad PMS.  I ate a big freakin piece of 1/2 chocolate, 1/2 white awesome cake.  FAIL.

5.  Tomorrow is Wednesday.  It is my group's monthly birthday cake day.  That's right, we all convene in the boardroom & stuff ourselves with Cold Stone Creamery ice cream cake like children while we listen to someone read off the birthdays for the month.  This event could not have been combined with someone's farewell cake??  No, we have to have cake 3 days in a row.  I realize that the odds are stacked against me here.  Recent history does not predict a favorable outcome.  I was able to abstain last month, but I still have PMS.  And I still love cake & ice cream.  What the hell am I supposed to do?

So, you know that office outside the kitchen?  I'm moving to the other side of the floor next week.  My request.  No joke.  I have to take back the power from the cake!

Important Follow-up

Do not microwave your underwear. 

Microwaveable Panties

Ok, I declare that this blog has gotten way too serious lately, so...

One of the reasons I like my super-doc is that some of the treatments he prescribes are so far-fetched that they are actually very amusing.  Case in point: 

As a treatment for what we'll refer to as a chronic "female problem (*wink wink* ladies)," he recently recommended a rather unorthodox treatment.  Keep in mind that Dr. K is a small Indian man in his late sixties.  I don't know why, but that makes the story funnier.  The dialogue went something like this:

Dr. K:  Are you still suffering from [said female problem]?
Me:  Yes, I am.  It's really frustrating.
Dr. K:  Oh no, even with the medicine I prescribed you?
Me:  Yes.
Dr. K:  Well, you could microwave.
Me:  Whaaaa????
Dr. K:  Microwave.
Me:  Microwave what exactly??
Dr. K:  Your underwear.  For 5 minutes.
Me:  BWWWAAAAAAAA.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr. K:  haha
Me:  I'VE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Dr. K:  No?  Hahaha.
Me:  hahahaha..... My underwear??  Every day?
Dr. K:  I had a patient who had [said female problem] for 30 years.  She microwaves her panties, and it's gone!
Me:  Did you say 5 minutes or 5 seconds?!  hahahaha
Dr. K (as he pulls out an article):  I believe it's minutes.  Let me see...  Yes.  Slightly moist panties.  5 minutes.  The temperature of wash water is not high enough.  The microwave is hot enough to kill the [source of said female problem].
Me:  Wow, I did NOT know that!  hahahahaha....
Dr. K:  Call the fire department ahead of time to warn them & see how it works. 
Me:  hahahahahaha.... ok, I'll try anything at this point.  I'll just warn my husband in advance.

I have relayed this story to a select group of friends as both a real suggestion and an amusing anecdote.  I will admit I have not tried it yet.  I was telling Peg about it recently, and she was very, very concerned.  About lots of things.  Most had to do with synthetic fibers, elastic, lace, melting, burning, lots of bad scenarios.  She actually researched it online & found that a better alternative might be ironing.  Then we decided that someone should invent either microwavable panties or [female problem]- proof panties.  This is what happens when 2 chemists talk about such things. 

So if Paul finds me ironing the crotches of all my underwear later & tries to have me committed, tell him it could be worse.  I could be microwaving them.

Humanity

Do you know how people always say that tragedy brings out the best in humanity?  When there is a death in the family, people go way out of their way to comfort the bereaved in so many ways:  bringing them food, visiting, donating money, paying their respects, offering words of comfort, anything to help make a difficult time easier.  Well, I felt the kindness of humanity recently. 

I was worried about my return to my workplace after being off for a few months.  No one really knew the details of my medical leave.  A few close work friends knew some details, but to the rest I kept my problems confidential.  It was private, after all.  I was worried that I'd feel pressured by questions like, "So what was wrong?"  That people would not respect my privacy & probe further when I gave my vague answers.  I felt that folks might be resentful because I was being secretive, giving just the obligatory, "welcome back," and then talking about me negatively behind my back.  That did not happen.  I received a heartwarming welcome beyond my expectations.  It touched me.  I was welcomed back with a true sincerity (or fine acting!) by everyone from my peers to the folks who clean the office to VPs to my customers.  There were even a couple of people whose names I could not tell you.  I swear.  I felt bad!  People really showed me their humanity & that encouraged me to do the same to others.  It made my return happier & easier.  It gave me a reason to like my job again.  For that, I am grateful.  So I'm trying each day to remember to "pay it forward."  :-)

Fear

I've been back to work now for 1 1/2 weeks.  I can't lie.  I'm tired.  I was dog tired Tues & Wed of last week, and I've been pretty tired this week so far, especially today.  I'm trying to stay positive.  Trying not to slip backwards.  My body is adjusting, I keep saying.  Am I totally confident that it will, in fact, adjust & the fatigue will go away?  No.  But I will not succumb!  I have been trying to go to bed early, but I have been having restless nights this week.  I don't have the energy to do much of anything in the evenings, so the house is a bit out of control.  I was prepared for that.  Eating too much take out, having a messy house, going to bed early.  Sure, I was prepared for that - during this transition period.  The fear is that the transition period is indefinite.  That this is just it.  That this is how things are gonna be.  Period.  Prove me wrong, body!!  I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU!!!! 

Shakespeare Was Smart

It hit me while watching Schindler's List again recently.  At the end of the war, when the tables are suddenly turned and the Nazis become the powerless ones, you realize what a charade it all was. The slaves become free & the master becomes a hunted criminal.  How quickly the roles change.  I've seen the same thing when corporations downsize and everyone instantly becomes equal.  Fear evens the playing field.  The managers & directors & VPs become equal to the rest of us.  It makes you realize how ridiculous the charade is afterall.  It's like a children's game or a high school play.  Then when the storm passes, we all go back to it.  It's hard to take the illusion seriously once you've seen behind the curtain, but before you know it, the masks are on again.  Shakespeare said "All the world's a stage."  That guy knew what he was talkin' about. 

In kindergarten, I learned that we are all created equal in the eyes of God.  I firmly believe & try to practice that principle to this day, despite the fake hierarchies.  Look around.  All of the people who act or think they are more important than others.  In all fairness, we all enable the act.  We need it.  We let others feel & seem more important because we need them to be smarter, wiser, etc.  Doctors, bosses, parents, clergy, all authority figures.  I think we've seen how fallible they can be.  Think of all of the news stories you've heard about doctors, priests, VPs, law enforcement officials abusing their positions & taking advantage of those they feel are weaker.  We give people too much power.  More than they deserve.  Maybe because it makes us feel more protected.  It's safer to think that those in charge of our health, safety, well-being, souls, education are somehow smarter, more powerful, less human than we are.  It's hard to deal with a chink in that armor.  Scary.  Think about the first time you realized your dad wasn't Superman or your mom wasn't an angel with heavenly powers.  It can be disheartening when the 4th wall is broken.

I've been to a lot of doctors lately, and I realized a long time ago that they are just plain old human beings.  They have bad days, get tired, get cranky, get distracted, make mistakes.  I've seen it quite a bit.  We get angry when these things happen because we expect them to be super-human.  Because they hold our lives & the lives of those we love in their hands.  It's really hard to face the truth.  The only comfort left for me is that they have a great deal of education about medicine.  That's pretty much it.  That is what separates them from me. 

I think that facing the fact that those we hold in such high esteem are just like us is part of growing older.  A very scary part.  It doesn't mean we don't respect what they do.  We can either let this knowledge make us powerless, living in fear & anxiety, or we can let it make our faith in higher power that much stronger.  Right now, I think I'm somewhere in the middle.

So the next time your boss or your doctor says something that intimidates you or makes you feel powerless, remember that it's just an act.  Imagine him without his costume & make-up, and you will be able to look him in the eye as your equal and know that you are just as important to the world.

Lipstick

I am going to try to declare myself "well".  I don't know if it will work, but I'm giving it my best shot.  Am I 100%?  No.  Am I feeling better than I was a couple of months ago?  Yes.  Sometimes.  I feel like I'm on a good path for wellness finally.  It's not perfect.  There are still things that might have to be tweaked or changed or whatever, but I feel like it's a good starting point.  Before, there was no starting point.  Just waiting.  And chaos.  What sparked the change in attitude?  Before there were just sweats, t-shirts, naps, no make-up, bad hair days.  The other day I actually put on lipstick.  I mean like real lipstick, not lip balm or gloss.  The dark, raspberry-colored lipstick I've always worn.  Plum Wine.  And then I even put a layer of gloss over top.  I took that as a good sign.  The fact that I actually felt like fixing myself up to go out of the house.  I'm going to let it represent my ascent back into the real world.  My return to normalcy.  I'm going back to work on August 2.  It's going to be a new chapter.  I'm comin' back, baby!  Ready or not!

Don't Stand So Close To Me

I LOVE Glee.  And I love Matthew Morrison, who plays the teacher.  But why does he have to cheat on me???  He denies dating Kelly Brook, but it has to be true cause the tabloids NEVER lie.  I mean, what does she have that I ... ok, I almost finished typing that without laughing.  But I have WISDOM, Matthew.  That's right, wisdom.  And I do not have a British accent.  I don't really know if that's a pro or a con, but it should still count for something.
Read the sadness here.

Of course, I guess I shouldn't complain about it because I AM married.  And Paul can sing Journey with the best of 'em.  And he does a mean robot.  Take that, Matthew.  Yep, I got me my own song & dance man!  That should give you something to be jealous about!

I'll have to blog more about Glee soon.  That should be a goal of mine.  I know, I really know how to aim high, don't I?  It's something they'd call a "stretch goal" at work.  I like going above & beyond.

My Husband Is Sophisticated

This was part of my Fathers' Day present to Paul.  I know it's blurry, but yes, you are seeing correctly.  These are candy grillz.  He was pleased.  You are jealous.  It also says "Have Fun!" in both English and Spanish & advises that the product only be used by those 3 and up.  We enjoy our candy gangster accessories safely in my house.

Here Come the Boils!!!!!

You've GOT to be kidding me.  More bad news in the ridonkulous saga that is my health these days.  I just found out that I'm allergic to milk & wheat.  What?!  What is my go-to quick lunch when I am busy or not feeling well?  A cheese sandwich.  Yep.  I even do the fat-free or 2% cheese and the lo-cal, whole grain bread to keep it healthier.  Can't do that anymore.  Sometimes it's a quick quesadilla.  No, not the corn kind.  The kind made with flour.  WHEAT flour.  And filled with cheese made from MILK.  Might as well be a stalk of wheat dipped in milk.  I can't even begin to fathom the many, many, many milk & wheat products I ingest regularly.  Now I have to find a freakin allergist to manage this crap.  I can't even take it.

Oh, and btw, my new "super" doc, who I still THINK is helping me, but is a BIT loose with the script hand, happened to give me a couple of drugs to "try."  One just happened to flare up my previously controlled asthma, and another gave me high blood pressure.  The ONE THING I was proud not to have succumbed to yet - high blood pressure.  The ONE health problem in my murky genetic swamp that remained at bay.  Guess who woke it up?!  My new super doc.  He loses that "super" title until/ unless he redeems himself.  I go back in 6 weeks.  And that BP had better be back to 120/80.  Damnit.
Of course, I am also now diabetic (thanks to my dad & Little Debbie), so gotta watch all the carbs, and I have to watch my cholesterol & fat because of family history of high blood pressure, high cholesterol, risk for heart disease, blah, blah, blah.  So that brings us to...

things Michele can't eat:
milk
cheese
yogurt
butter
bread
pasta
cereal
sweets
sugared drinks
fried foods
fatty meats
ANYTHING THAT EVEN REMOTELY HAS ANY GOOD TASTE OR IS ENJOYABLE

and then to...

things Michele CAN eat:
NOTHING.  Air.  Water.  Broccoli.  Mmmmm, everyone knows how much I LOVE green vegetables.  Really?!  WTF???!!! 

I realize I'm slightly exaggerating, but I'm REALLY starting to lose it here.  One good piece of news is that I've lost a bit of weight & am still striving.  It's really hard when you're anemic (from what the docs tell me), are always tired, and can't breathe, but whatev.  Has to be done.

Anyone know a good allergist in Pittsburgh?  *sigh*

Job

No, I'm not bitching about my job again.  I'm bitching about my body again.  The title of this post refers to the story of Job in the bible.  You know, the guy who had a bunch of bad stuff happen all at once, i.e. boils, fire, etc?  I feel like him right now.  Like Satan has taken ownership of my body & commanded it to wage war upon itself. 

My new super-doctor told me about a hypersensitivity condition that doctors used to just consider hypochondria because they didn't know what it was.  So the rashes, headaches, memory loss, numbness in my toes, inability to lose weight, extreme fatigue (I'll stop there & spare you some of the gorier details).... are NOT all in my head?  I don't completely understand it.  I'm still waiting for him to help me finish putting the pieces together to figure out the root of my problems.  But today I can add "backache" to the list of demonic plagues. 

For the past few days, I've had soreness in my lower back.  Well, it's not getting better.  It's getting worse.  If I turn or bend a certain way, it catches & takes my breath away.  I'm not used to having back problems.  None of the yoga poses or stretches that I've known to help back pain in the past have helped.  So I'm now sitting in the recliner in my PJs with a heating pad.  Like a senior citizen at the home.  Taking my meds, testing my blood, resting my back.  Ya know, the works.  Like I imagine Job did.  I'm just waitin' for the boils.

The Sudan

No, not the African nation.  The lethal but miraculous cough medicine that Paul's doctor prescribes.  I don't know what it's really called, but that is the mysterious name that I've seen on the label.  It's this orange-ish liquid mixture with some sort of narcotic in it, and it does wonders for any sort of cold or cough.  It probably does wonders for anything because, like I said, it has narcotics in it.  We have found out the hard way that it also has some sort of poisonous ingredient that is there (thank God) solely to prevent the abuser (Paul) from overdosing.  In other words, you overdose on the poison & vomit before you have the chance to OD on the more harmful active ingredients.  It's ingenious, really.  It's dummy (Paul)-proof.

Ok, here's why I'm being so mean to Paul.  Believe me, he has earned this one.  Paul's theory with ANY medication is this:  "I'm a big man.  I need twice the recommended dose."  Now he knows damn well it does NOT work that way.  But, because he is a junky, he has overdosed on the Sudan, not once, but TWICE.  That's right.  Just in the 4 1/2 years we have known each other, he has taken enough at one time (in other words, chugged from the bottle without measuring) to poison himself to the point of vomiting on 2 separate occasions.  I thought I was going to have to stage an intervention there for a while.  Then he has the nerve to say to me when giving me advice on taking drugs, "Baby, I'd never tell you to take anything that would hurt you."  Ok, but your track record does not exactly instill confidence.  Know what I'm sayin'?

The Sudan OD incident I remember most clearly was early on in our relationship.  We had both been sick (uh, kinda passing it back & forth if ya know what I mean), and he was still working in IT at Mountaineer.  His boss came to his desk & found him in less than desirable condition.  All he could mutter was, "Get James," as he ran outside to throw up.  On the generator.  Poor James had to drive him home in that condition.  He had apparently been carrying the Sudan bottle around with a straw all damn day.  It's a wonder he wasn't mixing it with tonic water & a twist.

It's been a long time since we've seen any of the Sudan.  In Paul's defense, it REALLY makes you feel so much better!!  I recently had a cold & still have the remnants of the accompanying cough.  It got me to reminiscing about when he used to illegally share his Sudan with me.  I don't know how to go about asking my own doctors for such a thing.  I'm sure they would think I was a drug addict.  Paul's doctor is a bit, uh, "old school".  That's what we'll call him.  Even his pharmacist hesitated at filling the script one time, if that tells you anything. 

Ah, the Sudan.  I guess it's best that we haven't had any for a while, lest we both end up practicing 12-step programs.

Hometowns: Connellsville vs. Weirton

It's not a contest.  It's just that I've noticed that my hometown bears several similarities to Paul's hometown.  Both are small towns within 50 miles of Pittsburgh, so I guess there are bound to be some.  I thought I would try to describe some of the ones I've observed.  Maybe some differences too.

First of all, both cities were major players in the steel industry in the early 20th century.  Connellsville with it's coke ovens, Weirton with it's steel mills.  Both saw booming economies as a result.  Both exist along rivers, with Connellsville being on the Youghiogheny and Weirton on the Ohio, which aided these endeavors. 

Both areas seem to have large Italian American populations (moreso neighboring Follansbee, where Paul's father's family is from, than Weirton itself), as well as large Catholic communities, with an emphasis on religious education.  Hence, our shared experiences of our Italian heritage & attending Catholic schools.

Both areas are now financially depressed, but Connellsville especially these days.  Though Weirton is much larger, its steel industry is hanging on by a thread.  Young people from both areas seem to migrate closer to Pittsburgh for good jobs.

Oh, and the pizza shops!!  Lots of family-owned pizza shops.  :-) 

There's something else.  Something sort of intangible.  A small-town community feel.  Where people know what's going on & know each other.  They talk about each other, but they also support each other when they need it.  I never know what's going on where I live now.  I barely know the names of my local elected officials.  I know my immediate neighbors, but I couldn't tell you most of their last names if my life depended on it.  The only other people I know in my township are those I happen to work with.  Oh, and my eye doctor, who happens to belong my church.  Ok, now I'm grasping at straws.  My point is that I don't have that small-town-grew-up-here-and-know-everyone feeling about where I live, and I've lived here for 14 years.  That's ok, though sometimes I miss it.  I can visit Connellsville for a dose of it, and Paul can visit Weirton. 

It's weird to me that Weirton is about 1/2 the distance to Pittsburgh as Connellsville is, yet it is "a state away."  Weirtonians are their own people, but all of Paul's friends have been incredibly warm & friendly to me.  I feel like I'm part of the crowd.  But when I meet someone new there, they might ask me if I know so-and-so, and someone will say, "oh, she doesn't know her; she's from PA."  Like I'm an alien.  My house is literally 15 minutes form the border of WV.  It's funny.  But it's true.  I probably don't know so-and-so.  Sometimes I do work with so-and-so because, as Paul's grandma used to tell people, I am a "big shot at Bayer," which is only about a 30-minute drive from Weirton. Oh, how she used to make me laugh with her knack for tall tales!

Aha, I thought of a BIG difference between Connellsville & Weirton!  You canNOT walk into a grocery store in Connellsville & buy beer!  That makes me far superior and Paul a heathen!  I win!

Paul Is Old, and I Am Not!

Paul's 40th Birthday Party

Nothing makes a woman feel younger than a husband 4 years her senior.  Thanks for being old, honey!

Alien Probing

So I felt like the subject of a science experiment today.  And I mean like a PhD thesis project experiment.  The kind that needs A LOT of data to support it.  Much like reports of alien abductions.  I had an appointment at the Khurana Clinic in the Mt. Lebanon section of Pittsburgh.  It was THE longest medical appointment I have ever had.  That includes my tonsillectomy & various other outpatient procedures.  From 9:30 am until 4:00 pm, I was subjected to the drawing of about 8 tubes of blood, a 3-hour blood glucose test (the kind they do for gestational diabetes), an EKG, 3 urine tests, ultrasound exams of various internal organs, and various other standard measurements (height, weight, BP, reflexes, etc).  At one point, I was lying on a table having an ultrasound of my thyroid while a 2nd technician was pricking my finger for my 5th blood glucose reading of the day.  It was a bit overwhelming, but I whole-heartedly embrace their thoroughness.  I was waiting for them to try to do a prostate exam.  Ha.  At 2:30, I finally got to see the doctor.  He talked to me for 1 1/2 hrs.  Seriously.  90 minutes.  A DOCTOR.  I know, it's unbelievable.

Today was the big hurrah of the past few months.  Game 1 of the Championship Series, the first lap of the Grand Prix, or some other dumb sports analogy.  In other words, I like to think it's the beginning of the end.  The end of all of this nonsense.  Please, take buckets of my blood if it means you'll be able to tell me what's going on & treat it successfully.  I have been to several doctors over the past few months & tried to decide the best path.  Like who could really help me vs. who is a shyster vs. who won't treat me like crap, etc.  Today, the right path seems clear.  If this doctor can't help me, for crying out loud, no one can.  My friend who referred me to him (because he helped her daughter) tried to convince me that he was at one time Mother Teresa's doctor.  Ok, yeah right, Bernie.  Mother Teresa's doctor.  Ha.  I'm not sure that I'm buying that, but for some reason, I believe everything that comes out of this man's mouth.  He seems to know everything I'm feeling & why.  I think he must have sold his soul to the devil for all of his knowledge and power.  I'm ok with that.  As long as he lives up to his reputation and my first impression.  We'll see.

I have been on medical leave from work for 3 months & suffering with these severe chronic fatigue symptoms for much longer than that.  I'm done.  This had better be the means to an end to it all, or I'm going to be mad!  Especially since most of it is not covered by insurance.  Hmph.

Sicksomnia

So I have been going through some weird sleep patterns since I've been on leave from work.  But tonight is different.  I started coming down with some sort of virus 2 nights ago, and my sleep is really weird now.  For example, it's going on 3 am, and I'm wide awake & doing laundry, dishes, and making coffee.  I think it's a combination of the bug, the cold medicine (yummy green Nyquil), and my not really needing to keep to a schedule right now.  I have been taking Nyquil during the day as well as at night, so I slept a good bit today & woke up with some very strange notions of... of.... like.... I don't really know how to say it.  That I could sort of float through the air.  Defy gravity if you will.  It was a dreamlike state, but I was lucid & even telling Paul about it when I went downstairs for dinner.  I think he was scared.  I wasn't making any sense, but it made perfect sense in my head that I was able to jump straight up in the air & sort of float around & hover for awhile before coming down.  It was a great secret talent that I was very proud of in my dream/ altered state.  He muttered something about having me committed.  Let me see if I can explain better.  You know how sometimes you're dozing off, and you sort of start dreaming before you're fully asleep?  Sometimes that happens to me, and I wake up & think the dream is real for a split second.  Then I somehow do a reality check.  I think to myself, "Wait, is what I was just experiencing really plausible?  Was I just riding on the nose of a dolphin?  That's silly.  Of course not.  I was dozing off & dreaming.  Now go back to sleep."  Well, that reality check wasn't fully working today.  When I asked myself, "Wait, can I REALLY defy gravity?" the answer was, "Maybe!!  Wow, that is SO COOL!!"  HOW much Nyquil did I take????

ABC Not-So-Family

Paul & I have noticed that the ABC Family network is not what we would classify as "family friendly" TV.  We are not exactly prudes either.  To us, a network that touts family programming should cater to shows that are appropriate for ALL members of a given family, including young children, especially during early primetime. 

Some of their original shows & movies have rather suggestive & mature themes & jokes.  We don't even watch the shows themselves.  We are only going by the previews we catch while we're watching, say, a Harry Potter marathon.  Clips with dialogue about French kissing, venereal disease, lots & lots of teen sex & pregnancy, etc.  Are these really acceptable topics for a 10-yr-old?  Someone needs to rethink the program content vs. the target audience & make some serious adjustments. 

And it doesn't seem to be just one show.  There are quite a few.  Even their advertising for shows on other networks (E!, for example) are inappropriate.  Even during cartoons! 

Can we please leave it to the other 2000 channels to corrupt our youth?  Or can the executives please rename the network something like ABC Teen Sex?  Just so we know what we're really getting.  There's nothing worse than burying innuendo in a goody-two-shoes, Hanna Montana-ish, Disney-ified sitcom.  It's insulting, but worse, it's not good for the kids.

Dumbass Plus A Bunch of Poor Traumatized Kids

Oh, TLC. Don't make me boycott you.  Kate Gosselin makes me want to vomit.  I don't know of a single person who thinks that she has any redeeming qualities or talents, yet she's everywhere in the media.  This is what I hate about our entertainment industry.  I am NOT entertained by her.  At all.  The only thing her appearance on Dancing With The Stars did for me was to make me feel better about myself for not being as much of a bitch as her and for having had more dance talent in my high school drama club productions.

Per CNN regarding her new show:
"The second special will give a “behind-the-scenes” look at what it’s like to be Kate. Notes the TLC statement, “Inside Kate’s World” is a special that will provide a “unique, never before seen glimpse into the day-to-day routine of the single mother, entrepreneur, best-selling author, dance partner and friend.”"

NO ONE CARES.  Please stop allowing her to continue to exploit her children for the sake of the $$.  Ok, I'm done.

Predictable Boots

Follow-Up To What's My Age Again?!

Above are some not-very-good pictures of my new motorcycle boots.  I took them for a spin today on the bike.  They're actually kinda cute, right?  I used some sound decision-making this time, too.  Note the wedge heel & squared-off toe, both of which are supposed to lend themselves to my quest for comfortable cuteness.  I even went against my natural tendency to go the cheap route.  (I don't even shop at Payless anymore.)  Alas, as I predicted, they are NOT comfortable.  See the metal plate on the heel & the round piece on the ankle?  These are there for my protection.  They are either metal or hard platic pieces that are there to make sure my bones are not shattered if I fall off the bike.  The entire boot is reinforced for protection.  This means it is stiff & unforgiving, causing soreness to my ankles, heels, and the balls of my feet.  I'm not sure there will be any "breaking in" for these puppies, but Paul remains optimistic.  We all know he is always right.  Hrmph.  We'll see this time.  We'll just see.  I'll keep you all posted, as I know everyone will be on the edge of their proverbial seats all season, as deeply concerned & obsessed as I am with my goal of comfortable recreation.

Why I Married My Husband

He makes me laugh until I pee myself.  For real.  He routinely makes me laugh so hard that I lose control of my bodily functions.  I am so serious.  He has made me laugh so hard that I cannot catch my breath many, many times.  A few of these times, I actually threw up.  I know, that is absolutely ridiculous.  That an adult woman would actually vomit from laughing.  In all fairness, I have a history of throwing up a lot.  It doesn't take much.  In recent months, my body has decided it would rather evacuate the bladder than the stomach when I find something funny.  When he catches me off guard with a joke, it can induce such an extreme laugh that I simply cannot contain myself.  You know the kind where no noise comes out?  While this is happening, I realize that I am losing control, and I panic, trying deperately to regain command of my faculties.  All the while, he is either laughing at my reaction or trying to contain his own laughter for my sake, which only makes me laugh harder, and I begin choking.  I have asthma, so that makes it even harder for me to catch my breath, and I inevitably choke until I cannot breathe.  I come very close to passing out.  I have no doubt, it's all quite a ludicrous scene. 

Tonight, we had been out & were returning home.  He pulled the car into the driveway.  As I was collecting my belongings, he reached into the back seat & grabbed the most hideous silver foil windshield protector thingie that anyone has ever seen.  You know, the things that came in vogue in the 80s/90s (maybe?) that protect your car interior from the sun.  But this one is made of silver metallic reflective material.  He's had it in his car since we met, but I don't recall him ever using it before.  It's so horrible that, if he did, I'm sure I blocked the memory.  Anyway, as he began actually placing this object in the window, he said, "I'm gonna ghetto this bitch up."  Well, this whole scenario struck me as the funniest thing I had ever seen/ heard.  First of all, the fact that he was actually placing this monstrosity in our car window was absurd, and I started picturing the neighbors' reactions.  Secondly, the statement was so apropos & out-of-the-blue, that I just lost it.  I peed on the leather seats of the Malibu.  Yes I did.  I had to change my clothes when I got in the house.  And I am not even apologizing for it.  That's why I married him.

A1A Beachfront Avenue

Florida is awesome.  I never went to Disney World as a kid or Daytona Beach for Spring Break or anything, so I was not really acquainted with Florida.  I am used to cold Atlantic Ocean water.  When it's 75 degrees out, you usually freeze if you try to go in the water in late April in New Jersey or North Carolina.  Not in southern FL.  It's awesome!  You can just traipse on in there with no hesitation.  Yes, it's very humid, but if you're staying on the beach, you don't care.  The ocean breeze is refreshing, and you can just go into the ocean to cool off. 

We also had a fantastic pool that overlooked the intercoastal waterway between the mainland & the shore.  Again, the water was so warm, even in the morning.  I could've stayed there for the entire trip - especially considering that they served delicious fruity drinks at the tiki bar.  The kind that have maraschino cherries in them.  No umbrellas though.  But they are still sweet & dangerous.

The Keys were nice too.  Beautiful.  The water is different.  Still very warm, but a different color because of all of the plant & animal life.  Next time, we'd like to go farther south to Key West & stay longer. 

Somehow, we ended up going to 3 different casinos & a Jai-Alai (pronounced hi-li) betting joint.  We always end up at gambling places.  I swear to you, I don't really like to gamble that much.  I get mad when I lose $20.  I ended up breaking even.  Paul cleared around $100.  They didn't even have the table games he likes, but somehow we spent quite a bit of time there.  I can't explain it.  Maybe it's the bright & shiny lights or the sparkly money.  I do like sparkly things.  I have no idea.  Maybe it was the fact that I was carded at 2 of the casinos.  Yeah, that's right.  And my husband was not.  Both times, the 2 of us walked into the casino at the same time, and both guards stopped just ME.  One of them was even on the phone.  He interrupted his phone conversation to stop me.  And they both scrutinized that ID, let me tell you.  You blog followers know how I hate aging (see "What's My Age Again?!"), so that should give you a hint at how excited I was.  I made a big production of getting out my license & smiling broadly for the very serious security personnel.  I'm not gonna lie.  It was awesome.

  The Jai-Alai was fun.  I had no idea how the sport was played.  It took us a while to figure it out.  You watch it & bet on it kinda like it's a horse race.  It's really kinda cool & different.  Those guys are crazy though.  The ball moves at like 150 mph, and all they wear for protection is a little helmet.  No pads or anything.  Crazazy, I tell you.

It was a wonderful vacation.  Really nice to get away with my love.  I know I haven't been working for a while and that it might seem like I've been on "vacation," but believe me, it's not the same.  It's so nice to get away from any & all responsibilities, duties, worries, problems.  To just be.  To let the sun & water heal & restore.  To close your eyes & just hear waves & laughter.  THAT is a vacation.