Paul Knows Everything

I know you people.  I know you 'cause you're like me.  You read that title with a sarcastic tone.  Well, don't.  Paul knows everything.  Seriously.

Ok, that's apart from the math & chemistry domain, over which I preside in our household.  We're probably about equal in the area of language, though he tends to be more creative than I in that area.  His blog would be wicked.  Scary, but wicked.  Paul knows everything else (oh, for those of you who know about SAP, I AM still the reigning guru there, but that's corporate-centric, and not pure knowledge, so it doesn't really count).  I hate history (let's not even go there; that's another blog).  He knows everything about history.  Not to mention geography.  He makes me feel like I'm in elementary school with that one.  Then there's anatomy, mechanics, law, nutrition, technology (of course), etc.  I have a damn good education, too.  Damn good.  He's just a sponge apparently.

Ever see the show Pawn Stars?  It's a reality show about a pawn shop in Vegas, and we watch it & find it amusing.  It's like a combination of American Chopper & Antiques Roadshow.  Anyway, sometimes they'll have quizzes before they go to commercial about the value of various items.  Paul almost always guesses correctly.  Also, when they're evaluating the items during the show, his guesses are usually uncannily close to what they offer.  And I've watched him.  He's not looking them up online.

I actually broke down & had him teach me about the history of WW I & II.  I knew the main players & such, but I really didn't feel I had a grasp on a lot of the details (probably like a lot of Americans).  I blame the basketball coaches posing as teachers I had in high school.  I digress.  He actually wrote up documents for me to read & discuss with him.  I don't remember a lot of it now.  That was probably last summer, and I have a horrible memory in my old age, but I was impressed that it did make sense to me when he was explaining it all.  It never had before.

He can tell me how an engine runs.  I have no idea about such things.  I took several semesters of Physics & Physical Chemistry in college.  That's the closest I came to understanding the mechanics of things, and I hated every minute.  Passed with decent grades, but hated it just the same.  He can tell me about pistons & cylinders & picture it all in his head as he's telling me (I can see the wheels & smoke).  All I can say when he's done is, "who?  what now?  am I drooling on myself?  where are my pills??  what time is it?"  I am reduced to a senile, mentally-challenged fool. 

One of the reasons I got out of the chemistry lab so early in my career is now clear to me.  I did not like setting up experiments.  I was not suited to be a practical bench chemist.  It made me nervous.  I was always concerned about blowing things up or breaking important equipment or some other disastrous error.  In other words, I am just not mechanically inclined.  Some things in the lab were more like cooking or smaller detailed work.  That I was good at.  It was the big stuff - setting up large reactors & such - that was daunting.  This is quite a tangent.  I apologize.  This is supposed to be about Paul's brilliance, not my failures!  End of digression.

Then there is Paul's version of what we'll lovingly call "mathematics."  He can carry on an intelligent conversation about our country's prison system (he has a Criminal Justice degree), but when you ask him what 2+2 is, he will probably use some convoluted mental math that takes 5 min to come up with 4.  Oh, he'll usually get the right answer.  But he might divide, multiply, subtract, and then divide again to get there.  Like most things about Paul, it's a bit odd, but quite amusing & fascinating.  And it's that much more amusing for me, a former math tutor, to watch him attempt to calculate the tip at dinner. 

A word of caution though:  If you ask Paul a question, be prepared & consider this your warning.  He will lie about 30% of the time.  He's quick with a fib.  Here's a tip.  Don't ask him a question to which the answer is a name.  He will invariably tell you it's "Pete."  He's pretty bad with names, so he usually doesn't even try.  I'm pretty good at smelling his lies these days, but he still gets me occasionally.

Oh!  Antother thing:  He IS jealous of my German pronunciation skills.  So the bottom line is that I know math, chemistry, and German (not really), and my husband knows everything else.  Doesn't seem fair.  He's cute though, so that makes up for it.  :-)