Why I Married My Husband

He makes me laugh until I pee myself.  For real.  He routinely makes me laugh so hard that I lose control of my bodily functions.  I am so serious.  He has made me laugh so hard that I cannot catch my breath many, many times.  A few of these times, I actually threw up.  I know, that is absolutely ridiculous.  That an adult woman would actually vomit from laughing.  In all fairness, I have a history of throwing up a lot.  It doesn't take much.  In recent months, my body has decided it would rather evacuate the bladder than the stomach when I find something funny.  When he catches me off guard with a joke, it can induce such an extreme laugh that I simply cannot contain myself.  You know the kind where no noise comes out?  While this is happening, I realize that I am losing control, and I panic, trying deperately to regain command of my faculties.  All the while, he is either laughing at my reaction or trying to contain his own laughter for my sake, which only makes me laugh harder, and I begin choking.  I have asthma, so that makes it even harder for me to catch my breath, and I inevitably choke until I cannot breathe.  I come very close to passing out.  I have no doubt, it's all quite a ludicrous scene. 

Tonight, we had been out & were returning home.  He pulled the car into the driveway.  As I was collecting my belongings, he reached into the back seat & grabbed the most hideous silver foil windshield protector thingie that anyone has ever seen.  You know, the things that came in vogue in the 80s/90s (maybe?) that protect your car interior from the sun.  But this one is made of silver metallic reflective material.  He's had it in his car since we met, but I don't recall him ever using it before.  It's so horrible that, if he did, I'm sure I blocked the memory.  Anyway, as he began actually placing this object in the window, he said, "I'm gonna ghetto this bitch up."  Well, this whole scenario struck me as the funniest thing I had ever seen/ heard.  First of all, the fact that he was actually placing this monstrosity in our car window was absurd, and I started picturing the neighbors' reactions.  Secondly, the statement was so apropos & out-of-the-blue, that I just lost it.  I peed on the leather seats of the Malibu.  Yes I did.  I had to change my clothes when I got in the house.  And I am not even apologizing for it.  That's why I married him.